You're the "Sweet Lorraine" to my Fred.

At 3:22AM I watched this video in bed alongside the husband as he snored away, tired from his long day of work. Teary-eyed, my thoughts started racing & this rush of overwhelming gratitude & love came over me. [vsw id="70426141" source="vimeo" width="325" height="244" autoplay="no"]

I watch this story of an older man named Fred who had written a love song/love letter "just because" & submitted it to a songwriter contest after losing his wife and love of 75 years. He doesn't consider himself a songwriter, let alone a singer, but he had to express the feelings that overwhelmed him and sent it out not knowing whether or not anyone would listen. He felt the need to write the feelings down & write his love letter to his wife. The people who listened were touched because the words he wrote pierced their hearts. His words were true & it resonated. The studio went ahead to approach him & help him complete this song in honor of their love story.

The song itself sounded country/folk/acoustic. I'm personally not a huge country fan, but I can tell you that I'm a fan of this song.

It's so easy these days for all of us to determine whether a song is good or bad. You hear it all the time, "This song sucks." "Mm it's alright." "OMG this song is freaking good." But there really isn't a formula. Yeah, there may be a general formula that mainstream music likes to check off for the next hit - maybe add an 808 or a killer bridge that comes in after the second chorus! Blah blah but I mean there isn't a real formula to determine the legitimacy of a song to be a song. See, Fred didn't even make a real melody or have a composition, but it was HIS song. The words moved from his heart to paper, and with the help of amazing people it continued onto becoming a fully produced piece which he got to listen to. I guarantee that went full circle back to his heart. Too many times we worry about what other people will think or say about the work that we do. This is something I am a victim of when it comes to my music and the work that I do (or don't do) but in reality this is my life. My purpose here is to do best with what I have within me but stay true even if nobody cares for it.. as long as I care for it & as long as I know my identity is not through others acceptance.

Just last week John & I released our newest cover that we did together in our new home. It took me a while but let's be real, "YouTuber Jennifer Chung" has been MIA. I didn't know what to do with myself because I didn't have all the resources to come out with the kind of content I thought I was supposed to come out with. I just lived my life. But while living life I've learned so much more about myself & the goodness of God. I've always sung love songs but for the first time in my life, and for the rest, I know I have someone to write & sing love songs for with all the good, the ugly, the bad, & the beautiful that comes with it. I had actually started crawling into this cave of "maybe I'll just sing in my own corner now & give up this whole music thing" but he dragged me out, set me straight & pushed me to better myself in all ways.

I couldn't imagine what it must feel like for Fred to have lost his bride, his best friend, his confidant, his everything. All those years of fights that made them stronger, laughter that left joyful wrinkles on their faces, & endless amount of memories.. John & I have been married for 4 months now & it's already been extremely adventurous to say the least, so we're just getting started. We'd be so lucky to have 75 years and fight through whatever comes our way and come out of it being better lovers & people.

I pray to the Lord tonight that He will continue to guide us through our marriage and all of our endeavors. I pray that He will use our talents to point to Him so that we can never do it for the satisfaction or approval of others but for the joy & integrity of where it all comes from. I pray that we won't squander the gifts & blessings the Lord has given us and to never turn away from the opportunities that He truly calls us to do no matter how big or small. I pray that I will better understand God's love for me so I can better love John, and the same for him.

And just as Fred sang to his "Sweet Lorraine" I will sing to my Sweet John :)

My sweet snoring John. <3

Do you hear that?

Once in a while we hear something & it stops us at our tracks. The music captivates us enough where we have to let go of everything else, whatever we're doing, to just stop & listen; for that very moment we get escape.

I just about lost it.

*A hidden camera taken into a restaurant in Texas. [vsw id="5JibZ2U3o-M" source="youtube" width="425" height="344" autoplay="no"] Just at about 3:39 I started bawling.

It's so important to love everyone.

Staying silent will only cause more pain. I think the hardest part is finding the balance of being able to "kill with kindness" yet stand your ground trying to get your point across no matter how malicious someone is being.

"I won't need that where I'm going."

iPad or Kindle HD? Hypothetically, if I had the money to, or if I decided I really wanted to invest in one, which one should I get?

I am in no means about to buy one. I just like asking questions. Honest. I'm weird. It's like when I go online shopping, I put a bunch of stuff in my cart after spending a tremendous (a tremendously unnecessary) amount of time browsing and exit out of it. It's cathartic to me. Strange? I know.

Of course there are times I like to splurge; and that's only if I know I have the money to pay for it, not just rack it on my credit card. It's programmed in me to naturally not want to spend money consistently on clothing and things in general (except food. That's a whole different topic.) Truth be told, I never got allowances growing up. My mom was a single parent dance teacher and a lot of what we did was save money just so we could pay the bills for our one bedroom apartment that me, my mom, and brother lived in and our minivan. Even though I'm Korean, I never got "lucky money"/"New Year's Money". The one time I did get "New Year's Money" was when I visited my friend Claire and her family insisted I did the traditional bow to their grandma. It was seriously one of the strangest and sweetest experiences in my life. Thank you, Claire. I freaking love your fambam.

My mom pretty much shopped for me (ain't no shame in that, my mom is very stylish) until I started working when I was 16. But even then, I'd much rather spend money on going out to the movies with friends when I could or just having meals out.

My junior year when I went to prom, I remember my mom opened up a credit card just so I could get a prom dress. I think the prom dress was a little under $200. Even at that moment, I felt bad and burdensome to my mom, but she wanted to do that for me. I loved that dress so much and it meant more to me knowing what my mom had to do get it for me. I know I'd do the same for my daughter when the time came.

During a church sermon recently, I was reminded by a quote "I won't need that where I'm going." The message was to reiterate to us the importance of giving and being selfless with our belongings. To remember that what we have now, all that is physical, isn't needed in heaven. All those other things will perish. It isn't to say that we shouldn't enjoy the blessings God has given to us, but it should open up our hearts to others and give when we're called to. Even when we give, we shouldn't feel like it's an awful obligation and that our hands are tied against our backs in doing so. We should give knowing that "there's plenty where that came from" and all of it comes from God.

I sing, I act, & I like to dance. I got me some boobs, an ass, and then some.. I'm also very bad at math. I am an Asian-American.

Believe it or not, YouTube didn't always exist. *gasp *what?!Not to completely age myself, but Facebook wasn't a thing until maybe the end of high school. It was still a start up and you needed to get an "invitation" to join so it was pretty exclusive. YouTube was still new in 2007 and that's when I started posting covers - out of sheer boredom, a push from friends who lived far away after I moved that wanted to hear my voice, and honestly? A little inkling feeling that maybe, just maybe, someone would discover me. I was 17... ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

I kept my videos very simple with singing over karaoke tracks I randomly found online. I shared on my facebook (it was just starting to become a thing), posted on singing forums, & got really lucky when one day my cover of "No One" by Alicia Keys was featured on a Hip Hop website. Truth be told, I don't even know if they liked my cover. I just recall them headlining the feature with "Asian girl singing Alicia Keys." It was my first video where I hit over a million views. A lot of the comments I got were racist, maybe trying to be encouraging? "Oh.. if only you didn't have an accent you'd be so good!" (My korean is definitely worse than my English btw) But many were "pleasantly surprised" because they "didn't expect an Asian girl to sing like that." Sing like what? I personally don't fancy my cover too much and ended up doing it over as a "one year anniversary" but that really raises the question.. what do others expect from an Asian girl?

Expectations are developed by conditions & experiences. There is a reason why the vast majority of Americans expect us to be a certain way. The only Asian-Americans I could attempt to identify myself with growing up with on film and TV were Rufio from Hook, Chun Li from Street Fighter, Mulan, Jackie Chan, or Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid. I was a huge fan of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon though & sang the English version of "A Love Before Time" sung by Coco Lee in 6th grade at my middle school talent show but all of these "characters" were still nothing like me. I wasn't a lost boy from Neverland, I didn't know how to jump over buildings & trees (nor did I really want to), or get into physical fights enough to ever take Martial Arts seriously. And let's be real, none of them were Korean so I didn't really understand their culture or what they were saying unless I was reading subtitles (in regards to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). And yes, there are many differences in Asian cultures. This may have been the reason why many of my Korean friends and I sought after Korean Dramas & Korean Pop because we were pretty under-represented in the media.

Personally for me, I couldn't really identify myself with Korean Pop because as much as I enjoyed singing some tunes, I wanted to sing in English because that's the language I express myself best in. I grew up with Whitney, Mariah, Spice Girls, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera! Yanno.. the greats! :D

Alas, I was constantly told I was too fat to ever become a singer or entertainer.

Great. Not only am I fat, but I'm Asian so it's close to impossible for me to have a chance in the Entertainment Industry.

I would be told time and time again if I wanted it bad enough I'd lose weight and I'd have a better chance, but most likely only in Korea. BUT ONLY IF I LOST WEIGHT. Actually, if I lost weight, I wouldn't even have to sing or dance that well so just focus on losing weight.

Now at the age of 23 I look back and know how I've always known myself. I was definitely an emotional eater/comfort food eater but didn't struggle with anorexia or bulimia - I knew plenty of people that did & hated how it controlled them - but I did deal with emotional/insecurity issues my whole life and still do from time to time. Shout out to Beyonce & J. Lo for making curves super sexy. I got me some jelly to work with and it's been such a pain growing up to learn how to deal with it, but by the grace of God and the loving support of people in the world wide web, I got cut some shnazzy slack and began a pseudo-YouTube/Music career because people enjoyed my voice/songs and learned to accept me for me. There still aren't many voluptuous Asian-American celebrities I could look up to though if I think about it.. most of them be 1/3 my size, yo - no exaggeration. But hey, my husband loves all of me completely so what do I have to worry about? I just gotta be the best me I could be.

I've been on this craze of watching The Mindy Project though and I freaking love the show. Mama Mindy be doin' her thaaaang! Writing, acting, producing... & representing. She randomly brings up her culture, but she also "pokes fun" at her weight about being "chubby." But that doesn't ever stop her from being fabulous or meeting love interests! We just need more story lines out there that show different people with different cultures in different settings.. or familiar settings..  (She's still a doctor lol) but etc. etc. We gotta enjoy it all for what it is but not be scared to show it! Embrace what is! It's going to give more opportunities for all of us.

I continue to emphasize the need to love myself & accept who I am first in order for me to love upon others so learning to be comfortable with who I am is a constant struggle, but I never wanted to harm myself or have it become possibly something detrimental to my possible future - the many possibilites of becoming the entertainer, singer, or PERSON I was destined to be. My look and size didn't define me, but it was a part of me. Even me being a Korean-American doesn't define me, but it's an important part of me because my culture/upbringing shaped me.

Either way! We've come a long way, but the way is still being paved and there's much work to be done.

I decided to join a community for Asian-Americans in Media & the Entertainment Industry on Kumbuya to create a space for others who may need encouragement or just want to stay in the loop about what's going on. Here's the description of what I wrote in the community:

A community to encourage Asian-Americans in their pursuit of the Entertainment Industry. I hope this community becomes a place of encouragement filled with articles, interviews, or news about projects with Asian-Americans. I also hope others can further network & collaborate!

You can join the community here.

I went to UC Irvine which is predominantly Asian-American. However, I was a theater major and the school of the Arts in general is completely secluded from the rest of campus. I was a minority there fasho and diving into the theater world, I could see all the odds against me and how little opportunities there may be for me in terms of roles but I was there for a reason and I was learning everything I could and enjoyed every moment.

My high school's production of "The Wiz" where I played Dorothy.

Luckily I had a great support group of other artists throughout my college community that I could be encouraged by from just observing their lives or sharing small conversations here and there. Mike Song, Joseph Vincent, Victor Kim - just to name a few were all Asian-Americans pursuing what they loved and they happened to also be my friends from school.

I know not many of you have that type of community so I hope I can be an encouragement to you or you can meet others who push you to be better and not lose hope. My journey isn't over so let's keep on keepin' on.